Our story of infertility, loss, and the birth of our babies

I am so sad for one of my best friends today because she lost her baby this morning at 8 weeks.  I know her pain, and he kills me to know that she had to experience the loss and pain of losing a child.  No words can comfort them right now, but I hope in time that it gets easier to accept and the pain dulls. 


I figured it was time to post our story from my other blog that I had regarding our infertility struggles, the loss of one of our children, and the birth of our other children.   Here is the link:


http://www.freewebs.com/thelightsivfbabies/index.htm



I still have good days and bad days regarding how hard my pregnancies were, but I grew and learned so much from them.  I am a stronger person, a better mother, and a better wife because of my life experiences.  God blessed us with 4 beautiful children, Lauren, Jackson, Ava, and our angel baby Beckam. We miss him and think of him everyday of our lives. 

I made it without losing it!

I cannot believe it, but I made it through Christmas Eve without losing it.  Christmas Eve is a bitter sweet day for us because it is our oldest son's birthday and the anniversary of his death.  Beckam would be 6 years old if he was still on this earth, but he was just to small to live.  He was Monkey Doodle's twin that I delivered at 21 weeks 5 days on Christmas Eve 2003.  It is a definitely a rare occurrence that I delivered my twins almost 6 weeks apart, and we have less than a 3% chance of having Monkey Doodle to make it to viability.

I still have my bad days, but it has gotten better over the last 6 years.  We still miss his terribly and hang a picture ornament of him on our tree every year at the time of his birth, 6:44 PM eastern time.  He blessed us on this earth for 2 1/2 hours while Chief read him The Christmas Story, and I held him in my arms and studied his little face, hands, and feet.  He was perfect, but just tiny.  I put the phone up to his ear so my family could tell him that they loved him and would miss him since they could not be there when he was born.  I remember every detail of that night, every little wimper, and every little sound as painful and sweet as they are.  I would do anything to see my sweet Beckam just one more time.  I know I will see him in heaven one day, and I take comfort that he is with our Father, enjoying the wondrous place I long to see after I am no longer on this earth.

My favorite saying is this.....

Hug your children a little closer, play with them a little longer, let the little things slide, and celebrate life with them a little more because it can all change in the blink of an eye.

1 Corinthians 15:52:
⁵² It will happen in a moment, in the blink of an eye, when the last trumpet is blown. For when the trumpet sounds, those who have died will be raised to live forever. And we who are living will also be transformed.

Welcome to my blog! I read quite a few blogs everyday, and I finally decided to start my own! I will be sharing snapshots of my life, and I hope that you will get something out of it like I hope to as well. After becoming an Army wife over 11 years ago, my life has been a roller coaster. From moving over 13 times, battling infertility, losing a child, having a preemie, battling my weight, dealing with deployments, and dealing with health issues, I have many stories to tell. So please sit back and enjoy the ride!