Why Did You Make Me Like This?

At Church today, I had a realization about myself and my flaws.  I wanted to share this with you.


Have you ever asked God, "Why did you make me like this?"  Maybe you don't like your nose, your hips, or (you get the idea).... We all have our physical flaws, don't we?  Then, there are the deeper flaws and inconsistencies.  These are the ones that cause more serious concerns, especially when it comes to both serving the Lord and interacting with people.

Concerns like:

If I am saved and filled with God's Holy Spirit, why do I still have fears?

If God has really given me this gift, and I want to serve Him, why do I so often feel so inadequate?

If I constantly pray to God to give me boldness, why do I have a personality that hesitates, finds excuses, and then shies away?

Why do I sense I am unworthy, insufficient, and a failure?

Before you run to a Psychiatrist for answers, it helps to know that the Apostle Paul had some similar questions and struggles.  God spoke to him in a way that still reverberates to believers today.  He said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness," 2 Corinthians 12:9.

You see, the more I am aware of my weaknesses and inconsistencies, the more I lean on Jesus.  So, like Paul did, "Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me....For when I am weak, then I am strong," 2 Corinthians 12:9b &10b.

I have come to the realization that I am perfect just the way I am.  I keep seeing these minor physical flaws or imperfections, and I still deal with feeling that I am still overweight even though I am not.  Why I feel and see is not reality all the time.  I will catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror once in a while and ask myself, "Who is that?"  It is really strange to look at a picture of a group of people and look for the big girl in the picture.  When I don't find her, I realize that I am the normal girl in the picture!

Why is physical appearance so important?  It is the beauty of my heart and soul that matters and how I am honoring and serving my God!  I am learning to lean more on God and become happy with what he has blessed me with. He has blessed me beyond measure, and I know that I live an amazing life.

Hey, since His image is good enough for Him, it should be good enough for me, right?  :)

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female He created them," Genesis 1:27.

Our roadways in life

I  found a conversation that was so intriguing on Obesityhelp.com today.  A lady was so upset about her naked pictures that she took of herself to send to plastic surgeons.  She couldn't believe that she really looked like that when she saw them because that is not what she sees in the mirror.  I know exactly how she feels because I did the same thing. I think we all do that from time to time.  It reminds me of going to Walmart and seeing people wearing some of the strangest, tightest, ugliest clothes you have ever seen!  They walk around like they are so beautiful, and you know they think they look good!  I always thought that those people must be crazy to wear something like that in public!  Then, I thought about how beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Anyway, back on track and stop being random here......I remember taking "those" pictures, and they were horrible!  I hated taking them, and I couldn't believe I actually looked liked that!  I saw that big and heavy girl again when I took mine, and I hated that the pictures made me feel that way.  Then, I decided that we are ALL in this and can all relate in some way. We all should be proud of ourselves for losing this much weight or what we have overcome!  I decided that my stretchmarks and wrinkles are just roadways of my life.  PCOS, having twins, obesity, having another baby, etc.  We should be proud of what we have achieved!  Now after looking at the pictures, it was time to try and do some roadwork on these crooked, beat up, and curvy roads. I just had my roads reconstructed, and Dr Sauceda, my construction worker, did help fix my body.  Is it perfect?  No, because it isn't a brand new body!  I still have stretch marks and still have fat, but I am much more improved!  I was shocked when I took some new pics this morning and realized that I was the person in those pictures! My perception of myself has changed again!   I have the cute belly button that isn't frowning anymore, I don't have rocks in socks hanging from my chest, and I don't look like someone sliced my butt off anymore!  This time around I am going to try and maintain my "roads" a little bit better, so I don't have to completely rebuild again. What matters most is that "I" think I am beautiful, and that is what is going to shine through even more in my inner self just as much as my outer self!