Why Did You Make Me Like This?

At Church today, I had a realization about myself and my flaws.  I wanted to share this with you.


Have you ever asked God, "Why did you make me like this?"  Maybe you don't like your nose, your hips, or (you get the idea).... We all have our physical flaws, don't we?  Then, there are the deeper flaws and inconsistencies.  These are the ones that cause more serious concerns, especially when it comes to both serving the Lord and interacting with people.

Concerns like:

If I am saved and filled with God's Holy Spirit, why do I still have fears?

If God has really given me this gift, and I want to serve Him, why do I so often feel so inadequate?

If I constantly pray to God to give me boldness, why do I have a personality that hesitates, finds excuses, and then shies away?

Why do I sense I am unworthy, insufficient, and a failure?

Before you run to a Psychiatrist for answers, it helps to know that the Apostle Paul had some similar questions and struggles.  God spoke to him in a way that still reverberates to believers today.  He said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness," 2 Corinthians 12:9.

You see, the more I am aware of my weaknesses and inconsistencies, the more I lean on Jesus.  So, like Paul did, "Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me....For when I am weak, then I am strong," 2 Corinthians 12:9b &10b.

I have come to the realization that I am perfect just the way I am.  I keep seeing these minor physical flaws or imperfections, and I still deal with feeling that I am still overweight even though I am not.  Why I feel and see is not reality all the time.  I will catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror once in a while and ask myself, "Who is that?"  It is really strange to look at a picture of a group of people and look for the big girl in the picture.  When I don't find her, I realize that I am the normal girl in the picture!

Why is physical appearance so important?  It is the beauty of my heart and soul that matters and how I am honoring and serving my God!  I am learning to lean more on God and become happy with what he has blessed me with. He has blessed me beyond measure, and I know that I live an amazing life.

Hey, since His image is good enough for Him, it should be good enough for me, right?  :)

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female He created them," Genesis 1:27.

Going Alone??

I am about to embark on an amazing journey, and I am so ready and excited about my trip. It is a beginning to an end of my weight loss journey, and I am completely and totally ready to start this.  Everywhere I turn, people keep asking me if I am worried, scared, terrified, about going alone to Mexico.  Even though I would love for my husband to be with me, I am completely at ease about doing this alone.  The thing is that I am not doing this alone.  I have met 3 great people online that are having surgery all within a few days of me.  We all have gone through obesity and weight loss surgery, and we have many other things in common.  They are fantastic people, and it is going to be so nice to be able to support each other during our recoveries.

Besides my new friends, I am still not alone.  God is always with me as well.  I have always known that, but I really learned that after losing Beckam.  He is always with me, protecting me, blessing me, loving me.    So you see, I have nothing to fear because I have my Father with me at all times.  He will keep me company, and I can talk to him any time I want! :)

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6

The LORD gave this command to Joshua son of Nun: "Be strong and courageous, for you will bring the Israelites into the land I promised them on oath, and I myself will be with you." Deuteronomy 31:23

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9

"I will love You, Oh Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."  Psalms 18.1-2

Mirror Image

After 18 months, you would think that I would be used to my new body.  WRONG!  I see the sizes on the tag, I see the scale, but my brain has not completely adjusted to my size.  When I look in the mirror, I sometimes see this....

When I should see this...

 

 or this.....

  

The first picture was taken 1 day before my surgery, the second one was taken a few weeks ago, and the last one was taken this morning.  I truly have to look at pictures to see what I really look like.  I wonder if my brain will actually catch up after I finish this last chapter of my weight loss journey.  I was talking to one of my very best friends in the world yesterday, and she asked me what was next after Mexico.  It was so weird to say, "Nothing.  It will be over.  I am finally done."  Will I actually be completely over?  I don't think it will ever be over because I will always have to watch what I eat, make sure I workout, maintain my weight.  BUT, I can guarantee that I will not let myself get obese again.  I missed out on too much of my life being overweight, and I want to enjoy every waking minute of my life and my kids' lives.  Until I lost the weight, I could not see what I had been missing. 

I was searching online tonight and found this discussion:

Genesis 1:27 (New International Version)

 ²⁷ So God created man in his own image,
       in the image of God he created him;
       male and female he created them.

"It is here that we discover ourselves. This is true self-actualization. Only in realizing that we are made in God’s image, can we understand both ourselves and God. In Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Heaven, Peter Kreeft makes this utterly profound statement: “But we are objects to God (though we are subjects to this world); we too, therefore, are true only when we conform to God’s knowledge of us, God’s artistic plan for our identity. Since our highest freedom means freedom to be ourselves, we are most free when we are most obedient to God’s will, which expresses His idea of us.” That last statement is amazing. God in His infinite wisdom has an idea of us and an ideal for us. It is there we find ourselves completely, fully. What is God’s idea of us? It is grounded in His very being, in the concept that we are made in His image."

So, why are we so hard on ourselves when we are already perfect in our own way? Why can I not accept the way I look when God already says I am made in His image? Now, I look in the mirror, and I still cannot see my true self. I am realizing that I really need to work on this, and this will keep my journey going.