New Year's Resolution

Many people set New Year's resolutions every year and never keep them.  They strive to do too much, put too much pressure on themselves, or flat out stop trying.  I listen to KLOVE all of the time, and they were asking people to just pick a one word resolution this year and see if that is easier.  As soon as I heard that, one word came to mind for me .............STRENGTH. That word means a lot to me in many different ways, emotionally and physically.

Strength to get through this deployment
Strength to hold down the household stuff
Strength to have patience with the kids when I am at my wits end
Strength for Chief and help him emotionally during this deployment
Strength to mend the kids' hearts when they are missing their Daddy and having a bad day
Strength physically and emotionally to lose this last 20 lbs
Strength in the gym to keep myself healthy
Strength to run my first 1/2 marathon
Build more Strength in my body physically
Strength to my faith to God and build myself more spiritually

I imagine more will come to mind over the next year, but this is what I have so far.  So, if I complete at least once of those, I will keep my New Year's resolution!

I hope other people decide to do a one word resolution this year.  I know I plan on keeping mine.

Mark 12:30 NIV
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength

Ephesians 6:10-12 Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of his might.

Christmas

Christmas was great this year, but it was very obvious that Chief was not here.  I just don't feel complete when we are away from each other.  The family all came over to Mom and Tiny's house on Christmas Eve, and we opened presents.  We Skyped Chief in so that he could share in the chaos and fun!  We had great conversation, amazing food, and a wonderful time.


Christmas morning was wonderful as well.  The kids were so excited to see what Santa had brought them this year! We also Skyped in Chief, so he was able to share that time with us as well.  Mom made a breakfast casserole, we cooked all afternoon, and then we went to my Grandma's house later on in the day for Christmas dinner.

Miss Priss checking out her new Teacup Piggy

Jackson "fainting" after he got the Wii game he wanted from Santa

The day after Christmas, we picked up Mookier at the airport in Amarillo.  It was great to see her and have all of our kids under one roof again.  We spent the day at my brother and sister in law's house with my Dad that drove in from Elk City, OK.  We had prime rib, watched the kids play on the Kinect, and just visited all day.  It was a wonderful day as well.

Christmas Eve is especially hard for us since it is Beckam's Birthday and also the day he died.  It is hard to believe that it has been 7 years because it feels like yesterday.  The raw hurt is still there on this day every year, and I don't think it will ever go away.  I still "what if" myself, question God and his reasoning, and think about it every day of my life.

Today in church, I finally have let go of the "what ifs".  Nothing really stands out that caused this, but I started thinking about how selfish I am for questioning God!  Who am I to do this???  He sacrificed His Son for our eternal life.  Beckam was blessed to me for a short time, and God took him back to be with him.  We are so blessed that we were able to have 2 1/2 hours with him and on Christmas Eve. It only seems fitting if you think about it.  The Dr's kept telling us to prepare to lose both babies, but I knew in my heart that He would not do that to us.  We wanted those babies so much and had tried for so long for them.  I was meant to be a Mom, and I know He wanted me to be one as well.  By God's hand, my pregnancy continued against all odds.  When you have a greater than 97% chance of losing the other baby, you would think there really wasn't any hope to hold on to.  I pulled every hope and strength out of myself that night and had complete trust in God that He would save our Monkey Doodle that was still growing in my tummy.  When Monkey Doodle was born, they told us that he had a 80% chance of cerebral palsy, 100% chance of learning disabilities, would probably have horrible eyesight, and would be on the smaller side the rest of his life. Our tiny, wrinkly, beautiful boy had a long road ahead of him and a lot of obstacles to overcome.  We gave him over to God once again, and He again showed us His grace and love to us.  Monkey Doodle is now about to be 7 years old 1 month, and he has no physical or learning disabilities whatsoever, top in his class, and is in the 95% percentile for his height and 50% for his weight.  He is the size of an average 9 year old and reads at a 4 grade level!!!  It is quite obvious that he is a complete miracle and is destined for something special on this earth.  He has the sweetest and most gentle spirit, and everyone loves him. I truly think that God took Beckam from us to save Monkey Doodle.  He knew what He was doing, and I have no business questioning God.  He gave me exactly what I wanted!  I have the husband I always dreamed of, 4 beautiful kids even though one was not born to me and one is in heaven,  and an incredibly interesting and amazing life! I also have a family that loves me and a God that loves all of me, including my faults.

I look at our life, and we are incredibly blessed with amazing and healthy children, good health for us, amazing families, wonderful friends, a beautiful home, live in paradise at the moment, and have a wonderful career with steady pay.  God always provides even when we don't ask.  We always end up in the perfect house, the perfect jobs, and all around perfect situation for us.  

God is so good, so good all of the time.

Mirror Image

After 18 months, you would think that I would be used to my new body.  WRONG!  I see the sizes on the tag, I see the scale, but my brain has not completely adjusted to my size.  When I look in the mirror, I sometimes see this....

When I should see this...

 

 or this.....

  

The first picture was taken 1 day before my surgery, the second one was taken a few weeks ago, and the last one was taken this morning.  I truly have to look at pictures to see what I really look like.  I wonder if my brain will actually catch up after I finish this last chapter of my weight loss journey.  I was talking to one of my very best friends in the world yesterday, and she asked me what was next after Mexico.  It was so weird to say, "Nothing.  It will be over.  I am finally done."  Will I actually be completely over?  I don't think it will ever be over because I will always have to watch what I eat, make sure I workout, maintain my weight.  BUT, I can guarantee that I will not let myself get obese again.  I missed out on too much of my life being overweight, and I want to enjoy every waking minute of my life and my kids' lives.  Until I lost the weight, I could not see what I had been missing. 

I was searching online tonight and found this discussion:

Genesis 1:27 (New International Version)

 ²⁷ So God created man in his own image,
       in the image of God he created him;
       male and female he created them.

"It is here that we discover ourselves. This is true self-actualization. Only in realizing that we are made in God’s image, can we understand both ourselves and God. In Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Heaven, Peter Kreeft makes this utterly profound statement: “But we are objects to God (though we are subjects to this world); we too, therefore, are true only when we conform to God’s knowledge of us, God’s artistic plan for our identity. Since our highest freedom means freedom to be ourselves, we are most free when we are most obedient to God’s will, which expresses His idea of us.” That last statement is amazing. God in His infinite wisdom has an idea of us and an ideal for us. It is there we find ourselves completely, fully. What is God’s idea of us? It is grounded in His very being, in the concept that we are made in His image."

So, why are we so hard on ourselves when we are already perfect in our own way? Why can I not accept the way I look when God already says I am made in His image? Now, I look in the mirror, and I still cannot see my true self. I am realizing that I really need to work on this, and this will keep my journey going.