Stream of Consciousness

I am making progress on the weight loss department, even if it is slower than I would like.  I am down to 153 as of this morning.  I am still loving my Vibrams, and I am even thinking about running a half marathon in April!  I ran a 5K this morning after I did 60 minutes on the elliptical, and it felt great!  I could have gone longer, but my left foot was cramping up and burning.  I started a mild colon cleanse today as well, and I hope that will help me drop a few extra pounds as well. It is called Smooth Move Organic tea, and I am drinking it twice a day.  I will update and let you know how it goes.

My Mom and Step Dad will be here in 5 days!  They are coming for Chief's promotion ceremony and the party.  We are so excited, and this one is a very big deal since it is his last promotion.  He cannot go any higher than CW5, and we are so proud of him!  He has worked so hard for this, and he completely deserves it!  We are expecting about 100 people for the promotion ceremony and reception afterward, and then 100 people at the promotion party too!  For the party, I am making Kalua Pork and Cabbage, Teriyaki Chicken, Macaroni Salad, Hawaiian Sweet Rolls, and Chocolate Haupia Pie.  I have friends that are bring side dishes and appetizers as well.  It should be an amazing party! 

It is hard to believe that Chief will be leaving in 5 weeks.  It came up on us so fast, and it is getting harder and harder everyday thinking about him leaving.  It is going to be a long year, but we will make it. I hope it goes by as fast as this last year has!

Getting down to business!

Well, I have been getting down to business about losing these last 20 + lbs that have been hanging around for the last 1 1/2 years.  I had even gained about 4 lbs, so I finally decided to stop griping and do something more about it!  I was going to the gym, but I needed to mix it up a bit.  I am not a runner and decided I wanted to start.  I kept hearing about the Vibram Five Finger shoes, Sprint Style, that are supposed to mimic barefoot running and make it a lot easier.  They are very hard to find because they are so popular, but I actually found some in my size!

I went from struggling to run even .5 of a mile to running 1.5 miles in a week!  I had to cut back to 1.25 miles per day because my body needed to adjust to the new shoes.  I can definitely feel a difference and my muscles in my calves were screaming at me for a couple of days.  My feet always go to sleep after I have been on the elliptical for around 45 minutes, but it doesn't happen with these shoes!  Running is getting so much easier, and I am seeing progress on my weight!  I came back from the funeral trip weighing 164 (YIKES!!), and now I am 159 as of this morning. Not too bad since I started this the day after Labor Day, and I had my period this last week (Yes, TMI!) I am tracking everything I eat, and I also am using a Bodybugg.  It tracks every step I take during the day and every calorie I burn.  I had one when I lost all the weight at the beginning, and it really helped keep me motivated and on track.  I just got mine Friday, and I am constantly taking more steps and trying to burn extra calories to make my daily goal.  It is awesome to see the hard work paying off!  My goal is to lose 3 lbs per week, and it puts me at goal around November 17th if I stay on track.  My daily goal is to burn at least 2500 calories per day, take 15,000 steps,  eat less than 1000 calories per day, get more than 100 grams of protein, and eat less than 50 grams of carbs to give me a 1500 calorie deficit per day.  Yesterday, I burned 2970 calories and 17,103 steps. I am running anywhere from 1.25-1.50 miles and getting at least 1 hour of cardio on elliptical and walking.

I have also noticed that my sleeve has become smaller again.  I was shocked that I cannot eat as much as I could, and I am so thankful!  I am not getting hungry at all, and I am back to reminding myself to eat again. Cutting the carbs, especially bad carbs has made a HUGE difference!

Keeping track of this on here is going to keep me motivated as well and also keep me from cheating.  Anyone want to join me in this???

Evil 20!

I know many have heard me complain for awhile about these pesky 20 lbs that I cannot get rid of.  These
evil, stupid, annoying 20 lbs are the only thing standing in my way to make personal weight loss goal!  I have been maintaining my current weight for 1.5 years, and I thought my plastic surgery would get me closer to my goal.........


I WAS WRONG!


After my plastics, I had to lay around and pretty much do nothing for 6 weeks.  I didn't gain weight, but I definitely lost muscle.  Now, I am struggling to get that muscle back.  I am trying to stay under 1200 calories per day, get at least 80 grams of protein per day, drink at least 64 ounces of water per day, and working my A$$ off in the gym.  For the life of me, my weight will not budge.  I am beyond frustrated! My sleeve is still working, but I definitely can eat a lot more than I used to.  I am about to make an appointment with the weight loss Dr here in Hawaii because it is bothering me.  I am at a loss what to do, and I am struggling with my self image because of it.  I know I have come a long way and have lost a ton of weight, but I still see a fat girl in the mirror most of the time.  I still have quite a bit of swelling in my lower back right above my incision and in my belly, and it happens every day.  I was 11 months post op a couple of days ago, and I am shocked that I am still having so much swelling. I hope I can figure this out soon because I feel like I am going to go crazy!!!

Movin' on down!

I wanted to update everyone on my progress today.  I am down 2 more pounds, so 6 of the 8 are gone again!  I feel so much better, and I hope that it keeps coming off.  We leave in 2 days, so I am hoping to have to have the last 2 lbs gone by Tuesday.  Seeing the scale move in the right direction definitely keeps me motivated!

We are pretty much packed now except for our carry on bags.  I am ready to see my family and also be back with my husband!  I also cannot wait to see our beautiful graduate, Mookie, and see her walk across that stage.  It will definitely be a bitter sweet moment for us. Only 2 more days, and we can say ALOHA to Texas!  

Working on myself again!

Since before the move, I have completely neglected myself.  I haven't had my hair cut or colored since January, been working out like I should, not dressing up as much, and eating the wrong things!  This has caused me to gain 7 to 8 lbs since I got home from Mexico.  I am still having a ton of swelling, so a couple of lbs of that could be from that as well.  I am so disgusted with the extra lbs that I had worked so hard to get off!  I can see if in pictures, feel it in some of my clothes, and I just feel icky. I am able to eat more than I should, and I do NOT like that feeling!

As of this week, I am done with that!  I am ready to concentrate on myself a little more and get back to taking care of me a little bit.  I have been going back to basics this past week, and I have been on pretty much a liquid diet.  I needed to shrink my tummy back down to what it should be, and it is working!  I have lost 4lbs of the 8 lbs in the last 3 days by drinking protein shakes and eating cocoa roasted almonds as a snack or eating a small salad with balsamic vinegar.  I haven't been perfect and did eat bad things last night.  I had a few chips, 2 bites of a burger and 2 small onion rings.  I was so stuffed that I felt sick. My tummy has definitely shrunk back down, but it still has a little more to go.  I am going to do this regimen for at least a week and possible 2 weeks.  I have 27 lbs to get to my goal weight, so I am hoping this will jump start me. I picked this week to do this because Chief is TDY in Virginia for the next 2 weeks.  I tend to eat more when he is around because I eat more when I am comfortable and the most happy.

I just had my 2 year anniversary of my lap band surgery, and I knew the honeymoon period would be ending.  I refuse to let my weight and bad habits get the best of me, and I will keep control of this along with help from God, my family, and myself. 

The kids and I are flying out to Texas on Tuesday, so it will be hard to keep myself in check during travel time and during vacation.  After the 1st week or 2, I will stay on a low carb/high protein diet and under 1000 calories per day.  My goal is to be at my goal weight by the end of August.  Wish me luck!
 

2 Year Anniversary!

I cannot believe it has been 2 years since my first weight loss surgery. I have gone from a size 22/24 to a size 6, lost 105 lbs, and I have had my plastic surgeries. I still want to lose 20 more lbs, but it just does NOT want to come off! I have been slacking lately, but I am back on track. I never dreamed I could go on a run, but I actually ran (well most of it) 1.5 miles yesterday. I also walked another 2.5 miles pushing the stroller as well, so I had a great cardio day! I am eating 500-1000 calories a day and low card to try and get this last 20 off. I have to say that it is really frustrating because the scale just isn't moving!!! I am used to the weight pretty much falling off of me, but that doesn't happen anymore. Honeymoon is definitely over!

I am also 6 months post op from my plastics and STILL have a ton of swelling in my tummy and back. It can range from 2 to 6 lbs per day depending on what I do and the level of activity. I am so ready for that to go away as well!

I had a friend take pictures of my recently, and we had so much fun! I wanted to dress up like a 1940's pin-up girl, so I could make a calendar for Chief to take with him when he deploys to Iraq late this fall. Thank you http://chelseamckinleyphotography.blogspot.com/ and http://www.kaciowensphotography.com/! Love you both! Here are some of my favorite pictures! FYI~ I was really swollen during this shoot!  Also, everything is covered, but these pictures are definitely flirty!

Our roadways in life

I  found a conversation that was so intriguing on Obesityhelp.com today.  A lady was so upset about her naked pictures that she took of herself to send to plastic surgeons.  She couldn't believe that she really looked like that when she saw them because that is not what she sees in the mirror.  I know exactly how she feels because I did the same thing. I think we all do that from time to time.  It reminds me of going to Walmart and seeing people wearing some of the strangest, tightest, ugliest clothes you have ever seen!  They walk around like they are so beautiful, and you know they think they look good!  I always thought that those people must be crazy to wear something like that in public!  Then, I thought about how beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Anyway, back on track and stop being random here......I remember taking "those" pictures, and they were horrible!  I hated taking them, and I couldn't believe I actually looked liked that!  I saw that big and heavy girl again when I took mine, and I hated that the pictures made me feel that way.  Then, I decided that we are ALL in this and can all relate in some way. We all should be proud of ourselves for losing this much weight or what we have overcome!  I decided that my stretchmarks and wrinkles are just roadways of my life.  PCOS, having twins, obesity, having another baby, etc.  We should be proud of what we have achieved!  Now after looking at the pictures, it was time to try and do some roadwork on these crooked, beat up, and curvy roads. I just had my roads reconstructed, and Dr Sauceda, my construction worker, did help fix my body.  Is it perfect?  No, because it isn't a brand new body!  I still have stretch marks and still have fat, but I am much more improved!  I was shocked when I took some new pics this morning and realized that I was the person in those pictures! My perception of myself has changed again!   I have the cute belly button that isn't frowning anymore, I don't have rocks in socks hanging from my chest, and I don't look like someone sliced my butt off anymore!  This time around I am going to try and maintain my "roads" a little bit better, so I don't have to completely rebuild again. What matters most is that "I" think I am beautiful, and that is what is going to shine through even more in my inner self just as much as my outer self!

Not what I expected...

DISCLAIMER..... I am about to talk about some pretty girly and painful stuff, so just STOP right there if you don't want to read it.  If not, you are in for a pretty enlightening but painful story. 

I am pretty much packed, and now it is time to prep for surgery.  So, my "prepping" involved going to the salon today and getting ehhemm (clearing throat), waxed.  Yes, down there....all of it.

This was not my first time to hit the salon for this, but it was the first time in Hawaii.  It was not what I expected, and I found it to be very different than D.C.  I used to drive all the way in to D.C. in fear that I would run in to someone I knew personally, like one of my customers from work, and I really wanted to make sure I was not in my own neighborhood.  My wax lady in D.C. was nice, but there was no modesty involved with her.  She had me in all kinds of positions that I had no desire to do in front of a stranger or in front of anyone! I got a great wax at least!

My lady in Hawaii was great and really did everything possible to give me as much discreetness as you can get from a wax.  I have figured out a few tricks beforehand to help take away the wretched pain that I try to escape.  First, take some Tylenol or Motrin 30 minutes before.  Second, spend a few bucks to get a bottle of spray Bactine!  I spray myself down and rub it in about 10 minutes before I go in for the wax.  It has a numbing agent in it, and it will help take away the pain.

Ok, now time for the story and not what I expected..... My wax lady (that I will call Kat),  and I had a great conversation.  Yes, that is a little weird when someone is up close and personal to your tutu (that is what we call it with Ava) and inflicting pain on you at the same time.  I told her that I was prepping for my trip to Mexico, and of course I told her why I was going.  She was very intrigued after I told her that I had weight loss surgery, and I was on my way to Mexico to reconstruct my body.  Kat was a heavier set lady and had tried to get weight loss surgery as well.  She ran in to road blocks when they wanted her to lose a little weight to show she was committed.  Well, she lost about 80 lbs, and then went back to the Dr.  They told her that she lost too much weight and now she didn't qualify for the surgery! I started telling her about the Mexico programs and how great they are.  I had to reassure her that they are not "chop shops" like the movies portray them to be.  I ended up giving her names of some surgeons in Mexico and gave her my info on obesityhelp.com.

So, she helped me "prep", and I hopefully helped her on her next step to a new and healthier life! It is not what I expected to happen in a salon, in Hawaii, and getting my tutu waxed.  Ok, you all can laugh now!

Breaking down the walls...

Back in April, I had my 1 year anniversary of my weight loss surgery. On that day, I wrote a little something that I would like to share with you all. My family and very close friends have already seen it, and I am now ready to share it with everyone else. See, I used to be embarrassed that I had to have surgery because I couldn't lose this on my own. I have finally decided that letting that wall fall was so much easier than keeping it up! My surgeries were a tool that helped me lose weight, but I STILL had to put in a lot of hard work. ALOT! I was in the gym at least 6 days a week for hours at a time, still had to count and track my calories, had to resist the head hunger and tell myself that I was not hungry, and still be a mom, a wife, a bank manager, and all the other stuff life threw at me. Why in the heck should I be embarrassed about that???? I have accomplished so many things in the last 18 months! I have finally given myself permission to be PROUD of myself! After I finally have all of my plastic surgery, I think I will finally be able to breathe a little bit. I can really enjoy my new found life and body!

So, I hope this little note I wrote on my 1 year surgerversary will touch you and inspire you to change things in your life that you do not like.

One year ago today, I was the girl that was told she had pretty hair and eyes.

One year ago today, my legs and knees rubbed together when I walked.

One year ago today, I had a hard time trying to tie my shoes.

One year ago today, I couldn’t cross my legs.

One year ago today, I waddled when I walked.

One year ago today, I had to struggle to get myself off the floor.

One year ago today, I pretended I wasn't the biggest person in the room.

One year ago today, I couldn’t carry my kids to bed without becoming out of breath.

One year ago today, I was the person that everyone pitied when I came in to the room.

One year ago today, I weighed much more than my husband.

One year ago today, I couldn’t go up stairs without my knees hurting and becoming out of breath.

One year ago today, I had to wear big clothes to cover my fat.

One year ago today, I shopped in only 1 store.

One year ago today, I would never even consider living in Hawaii because of the way I looked.

One year ago today, I got overheated just getting ready to go to work.

One year ago today, I worried if I would drop food on my shirt because my belly and chest were in the way.

One year ago today, I could eat a large fast food value meal and still not be satisfied.

One year ago today, my kids could not get their arms around me to hug me.

One year ago today, I worried if I was too heavy to lay down with my kids in their beds.

One year ago today, my Dr. cared enough about me to save my life.

One year ago today, I was excited, scared, anxious, and ready to start my new journey.

One year ago today, I took the leap of faith to change my life forever.

One year ago today, I had hopes and dreams that are now a reality

Even though my journey is not over, I will never be the person I was, one year ago today

Mirror Image

After 18 months, you would think that I would be used to my new body.  WRONG!  I see the sizes on the tag, I see the scale, but my brain has not completely adjusted to my size.  When I look in the mirror, I sometimes see this....

When I should see this...

 

 or this.....

  

The first picture was taken 1 day before my surgery, the second one was taken a few weeks ago, and the last one was taken this morning.  I truly have to look at pictures to see what I really look like.  I wonder if my brain will actually catch up after I finish this last chapter of my weight loss journey.  I was talking to one of my very best friends in the world yesterday, and she asked me what was next after Mexico.  It was so weird to say, "Nothing.  It will be over.  I am finally done."  Will I actually be completely over?  I don't think it will ever be over because I will always have to watch what I eat, make sure I workout, maintain my weight.  BUT, I can guarantee that I will not let myself get obese again.  I missed out on too much of my life being overweight, and I want to enjoy every waking minute of my life and my kids' lives.  Until I lost the weight, I could not see what I had been missing. 

I was searching online tonight and found this discussion:

Genesis 1:27 (New International Version)

 ²⁷ So God created man in his own image,
       in the image of God he created him;
       male and female he created them.

"It is here that we discover ourselves. This is true self-actualization. Only in realizing that we are made in God’s image, can we understand both ourselves and God. In Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Heaven, Peter Kreeft makes this utterly profound statement: “But we are objects to God (though we are subjects to this world); we too, therefore, are true only when we conform to God’s knowledge of us, God’s artistic plan for our identity. Since our highest freedom means freedom to be ourselves, we are most free when we are most obedient to God’s will, which expresses His idea of us.” That last statement is amazing. God in His infinite wisdom has an idea of us and an ideal for us. It is there we find ourselves completely, fully. What is God’s idea of us? It is grounded in His very being, in the concept that we are made in His image."

So, why are we so hard on ourselves when we are already perfect in our own way? Why can I not accept the way I look when God already says I am made in His image? Now, I look in the mirror, and I still cannot see my true self. I am realizing that I really need to work on this, and this will keep my journey going.

Humpty Dumpty

Ok, after researching for months for a plastic surgeon to reconstruct my body after having 2 pregnancies and losing a lot of weight, I feel like Humpty Dumpty.  I have decided to travel to Mexico to have Dr Sauceda put my Humpty Dumpty self  back together again!  I am so excited and cannot wait! I will be having a lower body lift, breast lift with possible augmentation, medial/small thigh lift, and lipo to my tummy, back, thighs, and neck with with the fat being transferred to my butt.  I leave here late on October 6th, arrive in Monterrey on the 7th, and surgery is on the 8th.  I should be in the hospital for appx. 3 days, and I will then go back to the hotel to recover.  I will be updating my blog to keep everyone informed on how I am doing and my progress. 

Welcome to my blog! I read quite a few blogs everyday, and I finally decided to start my own! I will be sharing snapshots of my life, and I hope that you will get something out of it like I hope to as well. After becoming an Army wife over 11 years ago, my life has been a roller coaster. From moving over 13 times, battling infertility, losing a child, having a preemie, battling my weight, dealing with deployments, and dealing with health issues, I have many stories to tell. So please sit back and enjoy the ride!